Adolescence is well known to be some of the most challenging years in the parent-child relationship. Parents are faced with several challenges, including conflict, risk-taking behaviors, mood swings and emotional volatility, academic challenges, peer pressure, and communication issues. Many of these challenges are signaling the various changes the adolescent brain is going through during this time. Although it can be painful, it is essential to understand that some of these issues are normal for this age and do not indicate something “wrong” with the child or parent. 

Adolescents work on their identity at this developmental age, which involves experiences, relationships, values, beliefs, and goals that make up their sense of self. This self-image remains relatively constant even as new aspects of the self are strengthened over time. 

As you can imagine, this is a very tumultuous time for adolescents because their brain is often preoccupied with thoughts of being unsure of themselves and where they fit in, relationship challenges, and feeling disappointed or confused about their place in life. In parallel, they are also undergoing neurobiological and hormonal changes that directly impact their mood, affect, and ability to self-soothe. More specifically, the prefrontal cortex, responsible for decision-making, impulse control, and judgment, is undergoing significant changes during adolescence.

So what do we do?

When your teen is acting in difficult ways to understand or navigate, I encourage you to remind yourself of all the biological, developmental, social, and emotional forces in effect. These forces are often outside of your teen’s developmental capacity to control in calm and rational ways. 

Practicing empathy, understanding, and positive communication in supporting your teen through this turbulent stage is essential. It is equally important to extend empathy towards yourself as a parent of a teen and recognize that you are also undergoing the most challenging stage in parenting. I recommend Dr. Dan Siegel’s “Brainstorm” book for more information on navigating the teen years. He is a renowned neuropsychiatrist who focuses on understanding the brain and its implications for parenting, education, and mental health. In the book, Dr. Siegel outlines the changes the adolescent brain is undergoing while sharing some strategies for fostering healthy relationships and helping teens thrive during these years.